CHINESE WEDDING DINNER - WHY CAN'T IT BE...?

The one last Sunday was no different from the many that I had attended before. We finally got our first bite at 8.45 pm although dinner was supposed to start at 7 pm as printed on the invitation card. So starved, we 'cleaned up' the first serving of 'cold dish' almost instantly. Although delays are already expected, I still wonder why Chinese wedding dinner cannot starts as scheduled. I wonder whether is it necessary for dinner to be so time-consuming such that it is almost midnight by the time you got home. I ponder whether you are guilty of grumbling to yourself whenever being handed such 'summonses'. I supposed you had fretted before over the larger 'hole' to your pocket the moment you think of the amount of 'angpow' that you plan to give; the new dress, shoes and hairdo that you will be buying as though you are going for complete makeover; and so forth in order to attend a Chinese wedding dinner. As though you are the one getting married, you further suffer from insomnia for days prior to the function over the potential ordeals befalling you on how the rests will perceive you; who will you be meeting there; whom you will be sitting with as well as to what you should be conversing on. If you dread attending such funtion, why not consider one of these reasons or rather 'excuses' before accepting the invitation. Of course, you should first ask the host when that big day is before pretending that it coincides with the excuse you will be tendering. Bear in mind, you usually cannot avoid giving 'angpow' but you are still entitled to some 'discount'. "So sorry, I'll be on an outstation assignment on that day" "Ah yah, my 'so and so' is getting married on that day too" "I will be outstation/overseas for holidays" If you insist on not giving any 'angpow' at all, you could quote "I wish I could go but it would be inauspicious to 'clash' with your big day because my 'so and so' (make sure it is someone very, very close) is marrying on that day". Alternatively, you may quote "Frankly speaking, I could not attend your big day as my 'so and so' (also someone very, very close who had already passed away) is dying around that period of time" as a last resort only. Well, supposedly you have no choice but to attend such function, you resign to the fact that you will have to wait endlessly for your dinner to be served. The recourse is to arrive late, say 8.00 to 8.30 pm and be a 'hero' of the day as one of those responsible for delaying the start of the dinner, provided of course you are 'Mr Somebody'. Also, remember to have a seat reserved for you if possible or else, the 'torture' of being alone at the same table with total strangers would be so unbearable that you would rather 'flee' midway or alternatively, visit the washroom as often as you could. There has been numerous excuses offered by guests as well as from the hosts for being late or starting the dinner late respectively, such as" - Guests Caught in the traffic jam (although it is on a weekend!) I do not want to be labeled a 'Kiasu' (one who is so afraid of losing to others) Can't find a parking lot My car's tyre was punctured while on the way here Misplace the invitation card, so I do not know when the dinner actually starts Hosts Guests arriving late, so we cannot start yet Allow time for guests to mingle around and catch up with old times The bride is 'stucked' in the traffic jam The bride has trouble fitting into her gown which she successfully did so 2 weeks ago The bride has 'absconded' The groom is too drunk In respect of the 'angpow', there seems to be market rates depending on the venue of the wedding dinner; your relationship with the host; your motive for giving a particular sum and so forth. Generally, 'angpow' will costs more if the dinner is held in a hotel as compared to a restaurant. The amount will be higher in line with the number of 'stars' attained by the hotel. The 'angpow' may again be varied by the type of foods served by the host during the dinner. It is not surprising that sometimes, the host will gives you 'hints' of how much a table would costs him so that his invitees would know the quantum of 'angpow' to be 'contributed'. 'Angpow' would cost you more if you are related to the host than just an ordinary friend. Does it occur to you when certain relative whom you have never heard or seen before suddenly turn up at your door step extending invitation to you which leave you wondering the ultimate intention of such invitation. Occasionally, you may be prompted to give 'angpow' higher than the norm expecting the other party to reciprocate when it is your turn to invite in the future. What deem as an appropriate amount for 'angpow' is still very much uncertain but as a general guide, try giving at least 20% to 30% more that what would cost the host to take into consideration the soft drinks. Well, if you are a drinker (I meant alcoholic drinks like beers, wine or hard liquor), make sure your 'angpow' commensurate with the volume and type of the drinks consumed. Remember not to get drunk, otherwise the consequence would be disastrous. Also, 'angpow' must be given in auspicious figures or else the host will be hostile to you. Attending wedding dinners could spell disaster to certain categories of people such as: - The spinsters - who are the targets of the 'aunties' bombarding them with sensitive questions like "when is your turn to get married?"; "how come still no eligible suitors yet?"; "come on, do not be so choosy"; "bear in mind, your 'value' is no longer sustainable anymore like those younger days" Victims of rumor mongers - you will be so embarrassed, ridiculed or even mocked if you are spotted bringing along your baby by those who had attended your own wedding held less that 9 months ago (you know what I meant by 'short-gun' pregnancy) Sufferers of inferiority/superiority complex - your appetite for the evening would be so bad just because somebody (including the bride) dress better or has more jewels than you Victims of broken marriage - I'm sure nobody wants to be reminded of the unhappy days in the past Introverts - those with very high tendencies of 'fleeing' the dinner midway Despite the above, attending Chinese wedding dinner could be still a pleasant one if we all have in mind the welfare and concern for the hosts and the guests as well. Here are my wish lists for all wedding dinners which I hope wil be a reality if not in the near future: - Start Early, End Early (at least allow us some time to digest the food before we call it a day Go for buffet instead (CHEAP, FAST & SIMPLE) Try organising outdoor for a change (easier to mingle around, less elaborate and more informal for everybody) Save the trouble to toast YAM-SENG from table to table (pity the bride and spare a thought for the bridegroom - he has heavy responsibility later in the evening, OK!) Forget the KARAOKE (stop prolonging the dinner and torturing our ears) Cut down the present 8-course dinner (do you realise the amount of wastage after every such dinner?)